When I saw a saint(Look inside)

At first my gaze fell,
on torn of clothes,
on ugly and hard face,
on poor living,
how archaic,
how simply he speaks,

My mind revolted,
pinning out at small small,
details and errors in speech, cloths, etc,
how can this poor chap,
be a saint?!

I mocked at the idea,
of renunciation of external unnecessary,
and went further out and out to master the
workings of the world,
I mastered my tongue, I civilized my behavior,
I learned the wits and art's of conversation,
but the more and more I focussed on outer realm's.
my hollowness multiplied further,
and I went more into restless emotional boul's
I had to forcefully keep friends to ease out,
I had to have social circle,
I had to party out to ease myself,
I had to perfect more on presentability on myself on the next day,
but this hollowness grew further,
I started fooling myself even further,
giving myself two sided baits and fears
on one side tied to family and social circle reputation,
and on other hand tying myself to further perfection for service of other's
I thought I can serve someone by the venom I have been bitten,
what a fool I was then,
then somehow I dragged my life, living in confines,
having countless price, name fame and pride,
on check's I signed millions,
but was it doing something worthwhile?
building a school, hospital, will not solve,
it was like one blind doing wellfare of another blind,
As I was going out of my limo,
to my home, i saw again the same ugly face,
but this time I looked into his eyes further,
here I saw, him passing through the full circle,
his humbling presence which I earlier bypassed,
mocking it as stupid, now made more sense then ever,
as I sat with him in myraids of slowy evening,
I bowed down to him with gratitude,
and he understood it and smiled back,
going into trance again,
shrinking himself into something not in forms of description,
contemplating in thunders of silence,
beholding gleaming fullness in empty hands,
with extremely calm yet intesely fired face,
silent, but speaking more than many sensible idiots,
and that was when I saw a saint. . . :)

This is my last poem on blog . . . :) 

The Deewarist

I've seen it all

The roars of hunger,
The fear of unkown,
the exteme hulls,
the restless projections,
the weaving of new stories,
out of tricky situations,
the walls of expections,
and the mines laid by life,
I've seen all the drama,

The joy of warmth,
the freeform dance,
the ray of hope,
laid down in night,
the story's beyond drama,
the simple crazy story,
of joy and warmth,
I have seen the joy,

The start of life,
the death of heart
the heart of death,
the life of start,
the mumble jumbles,
the jig-saws,
the dopamine spikes,
the egoist types,
but still, I find it all,
just another extension,

But at the end,
as the life finds hope,
from the ocean of hopelessness,
in the creator of creation,

That I want to tear away,
from the glass of world,
dissolve myself into where it all started,
I put this request in your hand, o dear,
rest somehow trying, getting worked up,
this is indeed a careful request,
do end this drama soon,
because enough is enough,

I have no regretts,
living life awesome,
just one wish,
that make others life,
joyful and with ease,
rest I lay in peace,

ready always to break,
the glass of mirror.
,

Summary of Few things I learned

1. What appears shining, can be mirage . . . 
Dont trust what you are sold. what you are bieng told by someone,news,marketed it may present half truth, half pictureof the scenario.You are given brain to put things in right perscpective.

2. Don’t let someone else define your pursuit
or stop living on to someone else’s expectation People may give a lot of advice about what to do and what not,these advices are programmed to stay to sticked with routine,trend which may not be highest of what you wish to pursue before death.Live like a flower, an expression of joy, and pursue what you think is highest
in moment of pleasentness and clarity.

3. Death is the best teacher
In this limited span of life, even the sweetiest and compassionate of human beings die, and the most ambitious ones. At death, all psycological realities, etc leaves you, so better do something worthwhile  even if involves vulnerability(Risk). Eg for me, people say do gre,take a job backup, but if I feel I want to begin a startup or start an NGO or mass movement, than dare it, after all you will not regret taking risk for something worthwhile. Family,friends, are sweet but sometimes for pursuit you need to come out of comfort zone

4. World is always mixed bag
Dont think I have to do something good or bad, think of doing something worthwhile. Every aspect of life in put in right context,can find most beautiful aspect. Eg an emotional person, if put on drugs or sex addition can find limited expression, but if put on intense artistic expression can find wonders.

5. Intensity and clarity is deadly combination
If you have clarity about what needs to be done, and if you are very intense in your pursuit, than things will work out, and you wont live a broken life, living in friction of not doing, something worthwile.

6. Logic works, but life is more than working
In the current context, we get fascinated,euphoric after looking videos of quantum physics, carbon brain,etc and think logic is everything but now most advanced concepts of logic,admit limitation of simple logical deduction. Eg Fuzzy logic.  Life has many colors, logic is just one,small aspect of it to get things worked practicaly, in real time be it worthy or unworthy, and it is stupidity to think it alone as ultimate.

 You can not say bethoven or violin is stupic as compared to logic, just because,it can’t explain mysteries of life in one line.in form of proof or tangable fact.It touches life in much more subtle levels in many ways. Many scientists were inspired by music,and irrational aspects like albert einstien with violin, leaonadro da-vinci, etc. I think of them more as genuine seekers.Many time we think something is true, and find some half logical explaination to it. Like hitler did great steriotyped research on Jews and nazi’s

7. There is always a way, most of the times.
No matter how stuck up you are, and you think in self abignation,that I can do nothing, next moment when you are happy, you discover a way. You just have to search for an alternative. But don’t be silly,of sticking to one thing long, like I saw some people giving an exam 2-3 times to get in IISc when they could have got in decent NIT,IIT.

8.  Magical moments don’t happen by place. 
It is not place, but you ,who  must determine the course of your  pursuit.You need to be clear about what is worthwile to pursue for you, and then use places, situations,opportunities as a stepping stone. Many times, including me, we thing, if we get into IIT or MIT or Google, things will happen. They definitely will happen, thier way. But many times, you are over-concerned about Tags, and reputation, than doing something meaningful in life. For example if I want to find expression in startup connected with Art, or community movement, it is unncessary to go about, IIT or MIT or Google, just to get tags. It makes you feel secure, but also makes you complacent, and you do uncessary delay of time, than to directly jump and start your initiative with intensity. If you perseve with intensity and clarity, even best of  minds will be willing to collaborate with you, irrespective of IIT’s.

9. accept the differences in methods
Every brain is a unique combination, therefore ways in which things work for you may not works for someone else. So don’t be stupidly judgemental about someone else’s ability, rather try to find,how things work for him and encourage him on that track for best unfoldment. No point judging needle by standards of Sword. Both have thier use in some context, important is to identify, atleast for yourself.

10. World will work out its ways
You are not supposed to be worried about world too much,neither you are supposed to be unconcerned. Try to do reasonable contribution till you are capable of, with intesity and clarity. Rest leave it , because anyways you can do nothing more than that,world is self correcting system, it rebounds from unbalanced states soon, the only thing, you can do  is try to make it happen in your lifetime, sooner.

11. Be honest with yourself
People will speak too many things, sometimes flattery or stupid with confidence. Or sometimes insult you, point out too many flaws according to thier expectation of correctness.but come in terms with reality as soon as possibly. In previous generations, religion used to eclipse/bias clarity by fanaticism and now half baked logic eclipses common-sense and color/bias our perception.The greatest threat to mankind today is not fanaticism by religion, but the fanaticism by science, rationality, logical thinking,making our mind so dull, that it becomes INCAPABLE of feeling or understanding irrational aspects of life !  Don’t trust any source of information no matter how appealing and convincing it looks than to your understanding
by looking at all multifaceted aspects of situation neutrally  and with clarity

Normal and GameChangers

What should be our goal in life?
If you ask me, there is no definite answer to this question, but one thing is clear, it must be worth striving for  . .
But I looked at lives of people around me, passing through various phases of life, and observed their patterns of living. I tried to seep into various lives to decide on what to go for.

I have seen, for at least 99% of population, life is like a routine, to be living again and again. A scientist becomes obsessed with his research papers, and how to survive securely in the race of papers, an artist becomes obsessed with his variation of artwork, worrying about survival,earning, exhibitions, etc. The worse are the secure job kind of people, who never dare to do something different, dare to face some disturbances in life.  the addicted, the pot diggers, etc are actually consequences of this deep inner conflict, otherwise why would you need some break, some addiction, if your pursuit itself is so much curious and fundamental thing.

In my life the worst experience in life was of company, better than that is IISc, more better my experiences with music, video editing, but the best was when I question the very fundamentals be it by science or by arts or simply deep observation in silence before a storm .

 99% population strives for survivalist dominance and security, they only care about opinions, secure life, dominance in terms of money and control in terms of power,  but these are all virtual situations created by human beings.
So because of this kind of approach about stability, power, they shrink their level of perception. There is a great story about one of the student of  J.C. Bose(father of wireless communication, unison theory,plant researcher) because he thought, I got to earn money, I got to become a famous buisnessmen because he is very creative. but JC Bose , asked him after 2 years, how he was feeling, he told, "I feels terrible" and rightly so, because when you live upto someone's expectation, and leave something which you value, you suffer.

It is only <1% population, which dares to keep aside these issues, and give their lives away for answer of fundamental questions like time, life, death, space, perceptions, the very process of things happening. These people strive for fundamental dominance structure. To have a better perception and experience of life. Albert Einstein was one of them, he tried to address fundamental question, Like him, many impressionist artists, social scientists like Jean Piaget, Jiddu Krishnamurthy,etc tried to address it,Indian music, dance, various forms of martial arts, economists like John Nash and game theory, etc everything has  been specifically been designed to enhance level of perception of life, by specific ways, but poor us, we make ourselves so much of a closed book possibility.

Problem is, we think like 99% that survivalistic dominance is actual way, blindly living in situations. Very few try to give a way to inquisitive side, a fundamental side of human, which tries to answer simple but profound questions which have nothing to do with survival, (which even dog's and cat's can do) but it has everything to do with how deeply you are percieving things, trying to dig further at more subtler question.

This is why we love physics initially, because it tries to shake and work at fundamentals, this is why artists love gestalt principles, because they shake the fundamentals of perception and are not about 200$ loss or profit or getting fired. Their life is not that Messed up in survival. . . . But then, our motivation is influenced by how you are appreciated by someone, how society accepts you and all that. . . .

Don't fall in this trap, because in this short life, it is important to work for something, worth striving not for xyz, but for you common sensically. . . :)

Bieng Ordinary

Scent of Life,
is hidden in flower of ordinary,
Untouched by ashes,
is none,
and it is that which,
brings life,
on inception of each step,
do we go through the torments,
brought by it,
and it is how you handle them,
decides who you are,
Everyone is addicted to something,
because of this,
you cannot control ,
just handle it well,

but you have to go through it for sure,
if you want to grow,
You have to go through,
bitterness,
 and pleasure to suppress that bitterness,
to move on,
people say this is bad, that is bad,
but nothing is bad, it is how far you go,
to deal with this bitterness,
determines you,
Some find a beautiful expression,
in music,
some find expression in wine,
some in something else,
every choice  comes with its pros and cons,
some in something else,
but by itself,
life comprises of all forms,
the bitter, the sweet, the vigor,
the one who sees all as part of life,
understands, practically everything,
working without prejudice,
just practical, just life :)

Shyama

O Shyama,
My breath, My life, My love,
I have fooled around a lot already,
how much more?

I will die, if you delay,
one more second,
for you know, my life,
is empty plastic life without you,
all success, but no life without you shyama,

I tried to search you in symphony of music,
but soon I found, that even most alluring music,
is empty without thy presence o my love

I tried to search you in infintude of success,intellect,
but soon found fooled and tricked by plasticy honors,
which shed away when ticking times come,

I tried to search you in goodness, in family,
but soon found, how it is yet another trick,
in the name of sweetness, it silently grabs you,
and makes you like a dog, which sniffs the boundries,
and stays in it, never dares to explore beyond,

I tried to search you in service,
but none did serve without you,

In end, I sat alone, bewildered, despaired,
and suddenly, the silence broke,
by the impulsive rush of thy ever-changing colors,
by the impulsive rush of thy all encompassing heart,
by the rush of silence hidden in thy humungous storms
 and heart stopping storms behind silence,

In every movie I watched,
in every romantic background tune,
my heart remembered and heart whispered,
shyama shyama,

In every success, I cheered,
with none other,
than you O shyama,
all I ever did is always for you,
O shyama,

In every broken times,
when life seemed lifeless,
you took my hands,
and thy heart stealing whisper,
pushed me back to life,

Every wicked act,kind act,
Every mistake, every planning,
intimate act,smart act,
almost everything reminds me of thy presence,
I am so much into you, Shyama,
this fire has spread everywhere,
burning away everything,

From lowest to highest rungs of women,
behind the pin drop silence, behind the thunder strorms,
it is you who dance endlessly in my heart,
in every multiplicity of forms,,
endlessly changing yet unchanging,
are you O Shyama
 various masks have you taken, teasing me,
but now no more,
this longing has seeped deeper,
in my innermost corner,
now this intensity has surpassed hide and seeks,
only by thyself,thy intimicy in thy formless form i seek, I wish to romance endlessly, no more masks,
for I see everything in you, and you in everything,
I am willing to be completely totally intensely insanely mad into you,
 more insane than I ever was, pushing aside scafolding of sanity,
O Shyama

I saw you dancing on dead,
and rejoicing on the alive,
laughing wickedly on falls,
and smiling tenderly on rises,
O shyama, shyama,

this is not just another ritual,
this is not just another formality,
this is not just joy,entertainment,
this longing is larger than life,

Shyama, Shyama,Shyama . . .

Masculine and Feminine

The first thing that hits the count, with these words is man and women, but it is more than that(not that I am going to bore you out of philosophical crap), it is something quite a  fundamental understanding which needs to be understood holistically. It is like A, B, C . . .

 Even at gross level, women give birth to a new life, which naturally make them more sensitive to life, and male person, certainly keeps pluming about survival and develops a certain capability to ensure sustenance.. . .

Before I describe about masculine and feminine, the nature of masculine and feminine has nothing to do with sexuality. Eg, a boy proposing a girl and gently taking care throughout life, very lively can be attributed to feminine nature of boy. Similarly A girl may simply be like “what do you mean exactly kind of” in that case we may label her more of masculine. These are not hard boundaries, anyone can flip from one to other, and actually most of us keep flipping.  Those who tell, you don’t or can’t change are telling utter nonsense, (except if they are talking out core innermost nature). . . .

Feminine in India, has been quite magnanimously represented by multitudes of forms, namely tender nature, energetic nature, and distasteful nature. . .  But the core essence of Feminine is “It recognizes life itself, feels the way through life. It doesn’t shy away at times to make complete fool of itself, but still feels through life. Emotions are not feminine nature alone, which is a huge misconception people have, emotion can be loud, emotion can be tender. Feminine nature in its crude form is feeling through life. You may be so damn idiot that in your own interplay of loud fearful or similar kind of emotion, you miss the life, that is not feminine, that is utter foolishness of unnecessary self-attention. It is not even about hallucination . . . Eg. Someone wrote beautiful philosophy that an ant is equal to human and all that crap that everything is same. Just see, even on gross level where we can clearly see it is not so. But it is to be sensitive enough to be bewildered by even an ant or simple rock or air, though understanding obvious practical reality of human as an evolved form than ant or non-living things. Feminine form has certain kind of exuberance, like a flower”

Masculine form deals with conquering kind of nature of Human being. It need not be for bad reasons alone, it is like developing certain kind of capability by use of scalpel to dissect and see. Eg. Even mastery in music to the point of precision is Masculine. Mastery in emotions, celebrations, is also masculine. Any kind of mastery at any level can be attributed to Masculine.

None can exist separate completely, there may be predominance of one at a particular phase.

But the tragedy of Masculine is that even though it may have conquered everything, it never feels through anything . . . It feels secluded, lifeless, at times question does come, I can conquer everything, but for what, I must be less conquering? A certain kind of incompleteness is experienced by Masculine. . .

Similar is the tragedy of feminine, that even though it feels through everything, a point comes when it feels “Why am I making such fool of myself, feeling/living life such awesome, but not developing powerful capabilities, I need to be less flowing?”

Balancing these two aspects of life is something very critical. I have seen in my own self both these aspects. At one end, competitive exams, qualifying in exams, getting AIR 280, always trying to perfect, quite a masculine quality, on other hand, extremely enthusiastic about even small small thing, take for example Janmastami celebrations, where we decorated Indian institute of science corridor, singing with heart opened (different from technically sound singing), usually get quite opened up, at times quite crazy, sometimes making complete fool of myself, quite a feminine quality.

I used to have concern, will we lose the beautiful aspects of Indian ways, where we could talk out openheartedly to people, because of excessive technical atmosphere in current world? If you come to India, and have been to traditional prosperous village, especially southern part, women here actually can talk out so, simply and frankly, that I personally feel envious and rather ashamed of losing touch of the soil. More grave concern is, Will we lose beautiful heartfelt prayers of millions of saints of a nation, who sung in glory of life, by simple stupid logical discourses . . . but by my experience of life, it appears that wherever someone experiences life more maturely, more inwardly, these beautiful forms will sprout out again, and about the change, all forms keep changing. Attaching yourself to a particular form, in a sense, thinking of it to live forever is fooling yourself. Problem is that, we haven’t matured our understanding of feminine, beyond dancing, playfulness, it is a certain kind of openness, certain sensitivity. . .

But if you start making yourself, less and less important in your own eyes, without unnecessary self-attention, trying to do the highest of what you can do, in terms of harmonious ideal that you see, than these definitions, these understandings will not mean much to you existentially, because limitations start receding as you make yourself smaller and smaller. And the perfection is seen in devotee who is truly devoid of self (Not the self-proclaiming, emotional maniacs, fear filled ones, fanatics, etc)

As you de-recognize yourself more and more, dis-identification with limitations, the more and more your life becomes intense . . . If you keep food as exception, that exception itself becomes main clause, so this is completely distancing yourself from all load of crap, logical or illogical gathered around you . . . This makes the intensity grow to such a pitch that you can’t even imagine, and in those moments of intensity, you realize finer and finer forms of masculine and feminine, and in moments, all differences vanishes in essence, . . .

It is my personal experience, that feminine is still evolved than masculine, in the ways people think, because people often think masculine as gross logical deduction way, which is not even masculine, it is foolishness, feminine in its utmost essence, dares to sensitize you to point, that you become receptive to life. . . . . Here also, most people have seen confused emotions, bitching girls, girls who use boys, or girls who need protection, or feminist ones as feminine, which it is not, it is certain fluidity, it is certain mouldable nature. . . . One who truly is sensitized by feminine, becomes masculine in terms of abilities to see things beyond the normal understanding, and one who becomes truly understanding, masculine, becomes sensitized by feminine, and so, the inseparability of the two grows as we move to subtler forms.

Being frank, passing through all betrayals, trusts, rewards, understandings,etc, the only thing I felt still loving, forever is only essence of colorless, formless(which strangely seeps in everything)  quite personally, to which I can completely give myself . . . :)

Anyways life comes with no guarantees, nothing is ensured. This is the trickiest part. Life can toss you in fraction of second. A Tsunami, or any death, or any breakdown, and you are finished. Nothing is sure. . . . The best you can do is to try and attempt to bring best of what you can, there is a risk you might be able to do nothing at all, there is a risk you might get stuck up in situations you didn’t expect, at moment you may feel, how much should I wait, nothing will happen, but assure yourself, that this is gestation time, and it will be over soon. .  . . . But in whatever situation, try to do the best of what you can, by bringing yourself first to sense of balance, and trying to do it enthusiastically, lively, making a fool of yourself occasionally, understanding the point that nothing like absolute perfection can exist, you can go from 1nano second to 1 picosecond, this is endless, but live life, the awesomest as you can, and yet realizing that despite all achievements or liveliness, you are not even a sand in front of fragrance of the soil, the root of life, that which is . . . J

Different Levels of Madness

I tried to be perfect,
I tried to plan out all,
but as soon as all,
got sorted out,
it felt empty, betrayal,
After many such betrayal,
I learned, the hard way out,
that to experience madness,
are we here all the way down . . :)

Madness, the word in the first place, completely bounces us from dimension of thinking sane to insane, and rightly so. .

Everyone in life, must have experienced a peculiar state, when you are completely sorted out and still, life stops to throb, it feels wierd, and disdainful and makes us question, "Is this what I am for in life? These heaps of files, etc?"
Most of us try to cope up with this "not matching", with going to bars, or having social circle, TV, some hobby, party, yoga and what not. But the core of the feeling we often have is " What is this all?",  After a point, logical ways, survival ways, all self-preservation instincts which keep us organized, feel like pinching . . . and it is only when this happens again and again, when you fortunately realize importance of madness. . . That one drop of pitch of Intensity . . . . .

 In my life, I have seen so many different levels of madness, and that too, the interesting part is that person at one level, completely laughs out at other level. For example, sex manics are so mad is excessive bodily pleasures, that they completely miss out the point that there can be other levels of madness, especially if you put an Fourier or Steve Jobs(Of course, he is dead now) in front of them, still for them, his ways will sound utterly ridiculous to them.

In order to classify the levels in which madness rises, in the way, I experienced is as follow :

1. Innocent Madness
    It is like doll craziness or the craziness for small small things you wished in childhood kind of madness. Note that even the Higher forms of madness may look like this but different because, in higher forms, it knows big things, yet small things steals heart :)

2. Filial Madness
When you grow a bit older,  you want to do  away everything for your parents, you start to think in terms of making them happy and in sense, you form a connection with society with parents as the doorway . . . .

3. Teenage Madness
In teenage, our hormones, our energies start peaking, and we discover a secret doorway to escape the complexities life has started to web around itself, and slowly the same Filial Madness which breastfeeded you to grow, starts seeming utterly ridiculous. . . For you friendship, offset of Sexuality, etc things become like trend of the day. Some become like "do the thing, you are not supposed to do, kind of people"  or "crying ones" or "sociallizing ones" or "furious fives","geeky dips", etc,  . . . 


These three are common hard wired madness almost everyone experiences. .  .

But apart from it, based on the intensity and longitivity, based on my personal experiences, I found that there are other forms of madness too, much stronger, much longer. . .

1. Loud Madness : Linkin park songs, party, intense sounds, etc become our doorway of escape. Emotions, thoughts also have various qualites, which here can be ascribed as loud emotion, impulsive thoughts, etc.

2. Workahoic Madness : This is stronger than Loud madness, because here your work itself becomes your madness, in sense, you can be mad 24x7, but issue with it is the dependancy. For example, it makes you over sensitive or attached to company or dependent variable. So loosing job may make you breakdown very badly . . .

3. Absolute Madness : Here you don't become intense just at work, but to every aspect of life, you are mad about eating, sleeping, just about anything. . . . This is quite flexible in sense you are not bound by simply one thing . . .

4. Harmonic Madness  : Here you just are awed and bewildered by immensity of what beauty world has in terms, your inclination bends more towards harmonious forms of life, like classical music(esp Indian). It is more like a quite subtle but artistic, wholistic melody of interplay is bieng observed and awed at. .

It is only when you cross the threshold of Loud Madness, you enter dimension of Harmonic Madness. . . 

 See, it is like when you first read a math book, you just see, 1,2,3,etc, but when
you dive deep into it, for years, maths doesn't remain, logic, memory or calcuation, but you acquire a certain taste of harmony,art in maths and by my own experience, calculation,etc things start seeming unnecessary emphesis. . .

5. Silent Madness : Last of the forms, but still the most amazing, extremely intense forms of Madness, more extreme than any other forms. . . is when your intensity start pitching beyond a point, so high, that even slightest movement inside , slightest dependency becomes like an obstacle in sustaining that intensity, and therefore you become absolutely still inside, in complete  complete madness. Examples of such madness can be found in Life of Beethoven, Last days of Albert Einstein, Yogis(Not the quacks who pretend to know, but the ones who are at peak of experience, uncaring about opinions of world), like Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, etc . . . .

 I would end this beautiful,yet boring at points kinda discourse,

I though, I planned,
I tried to survive, I survived,
I got honoured, I got rewarded,
but the emptiness of heart grew,
nothing was to fill it, despite all wines of love, awards,etc around me,
alas sprang the madness,
which led my life,
in terrains of intensity,
so intense,
that my inner walls broke,
unable to contain it longer :)

In the glamour of this eye

In the glamour of this eye,
have we lost other eye,
we became,
from sand, to a doctor, an engineer,
an artist, a mathematician,
a singer,

but as soon as our legs,
lost touch of soil,
it started stinking,
stinking so bad,
that to stand by,
one moment became difficult,

Unless one moment,
the breath, became so tight,
that it bursted up,
and the eyes were forced,
to look away,
from its pride,
to the soil.

As the hands touched,
the soil again,
the breath returned,
life rushed in again,
and it returned so deep,
that again became breathless moment,
but in a different way.

Bieng lost in my pride,
I kept you aside,
But river can't be sea,
unless it touches the sea,
In vastness of creation,
In vast hollowness,
hallowed with endless eyes,

I returned,
back to my little needed act,
but standing on soil,
with less of what I was proud of,
and with more of what I am part of

http://blog.ishafoundation.org/sadhguru/masters-words/how-to-overcome-fear/
http://blog.ishafoundation.org/sadhguru/masters-words/living-free-of-comparison/

Returning to Craziness

Once there was life,
when I acted crazily,
making every thing I learn,
as an enjoyable experience,
careless about people

but then I started taking people's word's
more than usual,
into head's and heart,
changing myself more than I should,
and I started living perfect life,
with good circle, success, good friends,
but slowly it becomes even cold than before,
the normal perfection becomes suffocating,
and life seems like lifeless,

I then returned to the life of madman,
as I rightly am,
and increased my craziness once again,
but this time, with 2 differences,
one that I stopped caring ,
about other's speculation,
and that I created a hole,
large enough, that I can move,
in and out whenever I wish,

with the return of craziness,
returned life full of intensity,
and may be god, and my heart,
gives me a big smile,
saying,
welcome back! :)


Note : There is difference between senseless act's interfering in other's life over a limit intuitively, and intense craziness which is about deep involvement and intensity.
http://blog.ishafoundation.org/sadhguru/masters-words/how-to-overcome-fear/
http://blog.ishafoundation.org/sadhguru/masters-words/living-free-of-comparison/

Ilusionist Life

Life,

The one thing everyone want’s,

Though definition and things people search in for differ. Even though we seek money, family, awards, love, entertainment, sexuality, etc but underlying current of what we seek is life, in its all diverse ways . . .

In my life, my attempt has been to live it with humour and giggling joking happy way. I always wanted to make sure in life that whatever I do, I simply enjoy passionately whatever it is. I get so lost in those things, that everything else disappears, etc.

When I was in college, I had this course called Statistical Communication. I loved the maths of it so much, and also the expressiveness of prof, that I almost could predict at times the answer of question just before  asking the question itself, by Professor MV Joshi. I simply enjoyed it like a theatric performance. My marks were also 19/20, 20/20, 5/5, always full marks. So I had discovered at outflow of what I am capable of, by this absolute involvement. This involvement repeated itself in so many ways. Even today, I can teach Signal processing like a movie, without boring anyone, non-stop 12 hrs. . . That’s how I was involved. . . .

It felt at that point that I don’t want to lose this big aspect of my life, and as compared to that level of involvement, nothing else matched my experience. As so did happen, even after getting an Internship, I left it, and gave a Gate, reaching IISc Bangalore.

By now, the level of understanding I had gathered was immense. I had grown from the boy to a keen observing man. In a series of experiements conducted by me, I tried to search for something which I can make my life.

Emotions, were amongs’t the first, I took the most beautiful song’s and played it or some similar songs, again and again to feel it deeper, I could literally float on that song, But when intensity rises beyond a pitch, song in itself became a compulsion.

I experimented on Studies, I took some of the best lectures of Machine Learning by Andrew Ng, went on day in day out studying it for about 3 days, but even after exploring this dimension so long, I still felt strange, in terms of experience, after a certain pitch, you feel like transcending studies too.

I mean, imagine the amount of distain, you feel, if the thing you love so much, in itself, can’t get you beyond a certain pitch.

By all means, in my life, I concluded out with some golden truths in world, as I saw and listened unheard footsteps :

1. Even the most beautiful thing in the world has to go, today or tomorrow, everything comes with expiry date, and everything you can ever imagine operates in certain boundaries. so these endless plays of life, starts and ends and again start, endlessly. Don’t be foolish enough to not know this fact. . .
2. Life in terms of endless forms it can take, is boundless, but in terms of raising a form beyond a level, it still falls short. It is like a balloon, initially it is nothing, if you fill it till a limit, it retains form, but beyond a limit, it can’t hold, so the limited forms, life has to offer, cannot contain human longing for boundless, it can only be solaced, found stably in formless absolute inner all-inclusiveness life has to offer.

4. To get an initial push into life, sexuality, Explorativeness, Deep admiration, Frustration, sweetness of love or music, feeling of having power and authority, fame, fascination, all different things may help, but after a point, if you want to raise your pitch beyond a limit, the same things, will start seeming the limitation, staring at you. They are like parents, initially they grow you, love and praises help, but beyond a point, if they start cuddling you, become too attached, and they hinder the natural growth.So, all these limited ways, help initially, but beyond a point, it kills us, in terms of its inability by itself to go beyond a point.

I had almost become hopeless, felt like is there anything which I can ever be sure of, flow completely into? Nothing . . . .

As the time went, this nothing grew itself many folds, and simple absolute stillness, absolute uncolored, unreasonable involvement, (no doubt keeping the discretion and intuition) spread away all parts of my existence.

Now, when I listen, a beautiful song, I enjoy it no doubt, but it’s limitation also appears clearly to me, when I attend a fascinating lecture on number theory, I enjoy it, admire it, but I see through my eye’s, despite its strength to ignite, how it falls short to push completely, by itself, unless involvement raises to such a pitch that even that maths start’s dis-appearing. But in essence everything is involvement. And limited forms will get you to middle or even a little higher, but never the highest, your association with these forms, will pull you back again from highest level of involvement, back and forth, till you don’t understand the foolishness of your associating of your state to simply that object, rather than involvement.

So now when I listen a music, I do get involved it, but after a point, I do know, I have to leave the music also to raise the pitch of involvement long enough beyond threshold, in the calm ocean of stillness. Same is that with any other activity, be it studying, etc.

Music, meditation or any other medium, are like train, which leaves you till a point, but after that it is you who has to travel rest, by coming out of train (which keeps going from one world to another back and forth), and just sink into ocean by feeling that absolute stillness which is created . . . .

Then I realized, yes, I may use things(which are by its very nature limited). for some purpose, carrying an expiry date, but in effect, there is only one thing, which has no limit’s, simply boundless, that is uncolored, deeply calm and unruffled, yet massive like ocean kind of inner involvement

So, If you have not felt what I am feeling, either you haven’t lived intensely enough engaging in some activity, or haven’t raised it beyond a limit, not living in and out through that activity.

Creating space for life

Comming out of stress is not easy, especially when you don't know, why it is? When everything almost seems perfect, still the missing element just leaves you sleepless.

I first though of writing this blog article when I observed how much people are suffering just because of lack of simple understanding. This includes me too. One of the famous contemporary sage had once strewed a very wise advice, when asked the metaphysics of such situations. His precise reply still holds like an timeless understanding which we have almost forgotten.
He told, "If you have learned, the art of putting attention at anything at your will, and withdrawing it at will, then suffering is finished"

From ego problems, to anxiety, to insomnia, to excessive indulgance in physical pleasures, to peer-pressure. . . Name any problem, most of them you will see, chains down to this problem of getting out only.
It is as if you are given non stop food in your food pipe, and you have no control, over how to stop it. No space given to stomach for digestion, leading to constipation. Same is the tragedy with mind. We cannot stop info, how it comes and goes, the more we try to stop mind, the more information or thoughts come. but at least we can distance ourselves, to our ability by creating some space.

Today, the modern society, with its multiple ways has lead us to bombardments of information. Everywhere you go, meet a person, he has his own film casting out. On surface, everything looks perfect, fantastic, absolutely amazing, but the deeper penitration in the matter leaves me with a heavy heart.

Truely, the growth of human possibilities in this century is absolutely spectacular. From From Friends to Inception,from McDonalds to Maggie,Nexus to all kinds of News,mails,spams, Theatrics to cinematography, from Research to Skillsets, the growth is truely not less then a miracle, in some ways. Just see world 100 years back, and just see now. So much activity.

But with all its bags of information and gifts, we often easily seem to miss the suffocation it has brought. Suffocation is not because of information, but inabiltiy to handle it. It is like swimming is fun, if you know how to get to the land. But it is a trap, if you don't know, that after a certain time, when you are tired, where to go . . .

In some ways, an average human being has definitely learned the art of putting attention on objects, but still the tragedy is, he doesn't know, how to switch it off.

Take for example, the thing you love the most, like dancing, eating, sleeping, studying, anything. For me, it is studying, maths seems like an artistic potrait, which is ever facinating, but after 2-3 years, as information kept pumping, It started feeling like a trap, how to get out of it, my life became pathetic, confused, complicated. I was not ready to handle it.

But in later years, I realized, how important it is to learn to get out of act before getting involved in some act. It is like entering in a room with internal lock, without taking the keys to outside.

Today scientific studies have proved that rate at which information is flowing in human mind is much much large than it's normal functioning. The effects are that our basic abilities have actually shrinked by 70% rather than expanding.

Simple things like eating food, talking with friends, talking with parents, walking well, having sound sleep, and not to forget, the common sense have become uncommon.

After all these understanding's, I understand, how much important it is to have atleast 1 hrs, where you are just alone, simple admiring stillness, or feeling the breeze, going out to a beach, or meditating. Because these are times when information is minimized and your natural intelligence gets certain room to blossom.

Right now, too much information has actually choked out natural intelligence. Western societies are best example of it.

So does it mean, we must become a renuncient and run away? No, there is better option.
Better option is that, live the way we wish to live, with all necessary information, being any damn thing, nothing wrong with traveling in limousine, watching movie, working your profession intuitively, but at the same time, create a corner, a space, where you are able to switch off all the garbage you do all day long, and simply be still,meditative is extremely important. 
This way, you will allow yourself to be everyouth spirited, retaining the naturally funtioning intelligence, working with information and yet untouched by it :)

In Indian subcontinent, even today you find Jain sages who keep white cloth on their mouth, and remain silent. People today are just constipating words here and their, without a flow, a natural rythm, no discretion at all!. It is like if you are served bread and poison on same plate. And you are hapazardly, carelessly consuming anything and everything served on your plate. Even if it is poisoning you . . Who cares, we just keep consuming everything . .  not very wise way to live. .   Our mind has become like that only. These all complex problems are simply , out of this non-stop flow of information in head, without giving it rest and lubrication by withdrawal of attention, thereby chocking our natural intelligence to deal with life!



I really think this is high time, people understand this, because who wants suffering? and that too, because of simple misunderstanding? People say world is like this only,non stop suffering, but when it happens to you, you realize how your philosophies don't fit in any longer.

I hope, it does make some difference :)

Intimate Life

On the shores of upheavals ,
I lie astounded bewildered,
I tried to sink into the phantasmagoria,
I found myself, trapped,
I tried to isolate from it,
I still found trapped,
helpless like a baby,
struggling to walk,
I lied down disappointed,
My idea of completeness, felt incomplete,
when I experimented on various facets,
It felt like being crushed and lifted endlessly,
in cycles unending,
and the very things which felt so important moments ago,
felt like crumbling, fleeing away,
what the hell is this?

But then from the shore,
A large wave rose,
sweeping me with it,
in the depths untold,

For time stood standstill then,
Mother of the sea, puts me to sleep,
and then throws me back to the shore again,

In those moments, I realized,
the completeness,
I deciphered the code,
As I saw the nature of ocean bewildered,

O my dear friend,
how long you took to understand?
Like an ocean I stand,
I am not just deep, endless, void as you saw inside me,
I am not just surface what you see outside me,
I am both, rooted in ocean, I sprout waves,shelter it, and end it away,
but yet, inside, I lay, unborn,undead, still, formless

If you can someday be like me,
 work common sensically outside,
yet uncolored from inside,
you will know me,
how I operate in limitations which is second word to everything that exists,
 yet I am untouched by it, being touched by "that which is not" anything else,
without forms of any kind, uncatagorizable in all ways,
how I am unborn, and yet live and die,
how I am impersonal and yet personal,
how I am boundless and yet bounded,
how I am perfect and yet imperfect,
how I am creator and yet creation

Shiva- color of Colorless. . . .

After hearing this song,
with utmost attention,
the bells of final scene's,
rang, reminding me,
that all you have gathered from soil,
is to be left soon,
World is already floating away,
but this time, this Iness is also melting away,
roaring vigorously to that which is beyond physical, beyond this building of soil and water,memory and actions, time and space,
and each cell in my body,
sang a song of monk,
of vairagya,

O Shiva, I ran after all,
all tastes, all colors,
but none as magnanimous, and infinite, as thy taste,
After thy taste, no need of infinite tastes with endless cycles,

What can I say,
too soon there will be nothing left in me to say anything,
that's all I can say,
for you are robbing me, myself from me,
leaving nothing but painted with a color of colorless,
melting in ocean of eternity formless, tasteless,colorless,less of all, on which lies the waves of time,space and cause building and destroying itself endlessly . . . .

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2009-03-19/vintage-wisdom/28031005_1_shiva-yoga-intimacy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDLW0NC49Dg

Science of Cinematography

Cinematography . . .  from the first 24 frame scenes to today, the growth, the ways in which it influences us is just more than blowing away the mind.

My first Introduction to Mechanics of Cinema was through my research on the effects on Darkness. I interviewed so many people, and the strange thing is that, my whole perception about Cinema was just shattered.

The real strength of Cinema is not in Light, but the Dark, the darkness is what keeps cinema going. To define something is to loose cinema.

A human fundamentally seeks problems to find solution. Anything unsolved is what shakes a person to long for it, knowing it. In terms of light, the more the object of interest is hidden, the more the subject seeks it. 

It often runs at first establishing subject into normancy by law of associativeness, then runs through cycles of unexpectedness, making us question everything,followed by creating a central problem to making us solve it more, by increasing the number of anomalies from normancy, this is thereby followed by seeking process, and then as one goes towards the solution, as the solution seems closer, so does the difficulties increase. Finally, a state of hopelessness is shown, and suddenly from nowhere does the solution come . . . .

There are scenes of perfect normancy after every 10-30 minutes, to increase the longing for problem, and also creates a break to increase level of associativity with you, the subject followed by making you roll(making your seat belt tight after every 10-30 mins) and level of contrast, from normal to unexpected, the transition is what causes the movie to increase its involvement.

Every scene is precicely and in a very calculated way limited in time by the attaintion span of normal person which is 10 minutes approx. This is how long we can stimulate our mind to keep dopamine levels high. Followed by scenes of normalcy.

The overall flow and continuity, and aligning it, making it coherent, is very well taken care off.

We loose our interest in problems if we drag it more than the point of time span. Such small details are very carefully observed by editing departments. . . 

There is something called central idea, which is like a stem on which we keep on adding leaves, and grow the quest for exploration of that central idea, and finally find fruition. Every scene in some way is very swiftly way, associated with overall theme. . . .

This screen plot is what can be called circular plot, and can be emotional level or intellectual level or different levels. 

Sand, water, Dew or Fog, Forest etc natural elements of surprise are used to make you feel lost and vulnerable. They score good in both associativity as well as level of Hiding. 

The more there is darkness or element of surprise and unknown in film, the more suspense it is. . . 

Simple fact,

Even in real life a problem, is driving force for most of the population. It is a bait or like a trap for most of the people to keep the alive, living. 

If you just tear of the screen of drama from life, it will still want to know something, something more than drama, something more than what is going. There is this longing which finds expression in terms of problems we tackle, the buisiness, the social structures, etc.

It is like when you were a child, you could be quenched by a toy, when you are grown up, you need of finding expression has to be quenced by set of buisiness problems with higher level of difficulties,pleasures, longings , a level higher, but for a person of unprejudiced and keen gaze, the thirst can be quenched by infinity alone, this thirst is what makes him move towards mukti or liberation. 

Every civilization starts with survival, as it evolves, it moves towards, subtler, less physical expression and more artistic expressions(like europe and India), ends up in understanding inward quest for liberation(non-physical dimention of existance, boundless nature) as its ultimate quest.

Tall we stand short,

infront of all what is and what can be,

Humbled we stand like cover of Glaciers,

breaking and melting in the ocean of Eternity

Why do I forget you?

O my secret lover,
my heart, my life,
why do I forget you?

you made my life,
what it is,
still why do I forget you?

I owe you everything,
more than anything,
you win my heart everytime,
why do I break it?

At times, I am completely soaked in you,
filled with distaste, uncolored, in thy devotion,
but just out of compassion,
I nurtured the seed of passion for research and organizational skills,
but then as time flows,
why do I forget my intentions?
why do the plays  become a compulsions?
Remind me always O dear,
that colors and tastes of this world are little dear,
than you, O dear, always,
O my secret lover,
Keep me colorless and tasteless inside,
so that I can love you always,

O my secret lover,
my heart, my life,
why do I forget you?

3 bullets in my heart which changed me . . .

I clearly remember the scene when I had 3 bullets in me. . . . I had some fight with parents after which I ran out with my friends, to some place. As I went, the heavy rains chased me. I clearly recall, the dark roads, and the sea aside me accompanied by thick fog. It was 4 hrs, when I recall, I asked where we were? And were near Daman(Sea shore). I donno know, how we jumped there, but I perceive the scene, of sea, rainy sea in front of me with thick fog and a dead end in road. Suddenly the calmness was inturrupted by voice of bullets. Voice of bullets so real, and I went to take off the bullet from back, but the con took the bullet on other hand, and shot 3 bullets in heart.

Everything was crumbling in my experience, as I was witnessing near death experience. If only you imagine the situation, I am saying. But this was such a real dream, I had yesterday. For the first time, It was I who was even for moment, subject to crumbling, I though I was what not. But as I recount moment I had 3 bullets in me, I was like OMG, parents, everything etc came in front of me. I was like every way I am perceiving is going to be gone! in just a moment. It is not fear, it is coming in talking terms with reality. . .

As I recount this, I realize how foolishly we keep planning tomorrows which have rightly destroyed us. I plan tomorrow I will go here, do this that things, and all that. But I realize on great saint speaking, you will only play well, if it doesn't matter if your winning or onother's winning doesn't matter.  With such ease should one play life?

My mom who is a music teacher, asked me that day evening to search for some Tamil song, and as I was searching for songs, I got a beautiful song, a very famous song, but the graceful expressions of lady just made me in awe. Because when I had no worries about doing big big things, I was a simple boy like this only. I never cared of anything for happiness, until the marketing departments of world's blurred my clarity. I used to stay on a road, on a vehicle, under a tree, simple observing night, and be happy. Soo simple . . :)  This is not about living tribal, living in city or village, it is living life with such heart opened and involvement with such relaxation(not locked by what was and what will, not locked by drama of intellect diving all up). How beautiful. How complicated have me made our lives? How gentle and graceful can we make our life? and see how have we made it? We truely have conned life!
Watch it after 45 seconds and observe expression of lady with red and black saree . . .


So after this, I learned the most important lesson in life, never get too worried about big big things daily in whichever field we are. What is most important? Life must be lived fullest gracefully, every moment, not like a mirage hoping for water to be seen.

Second thing I realized as all experiences came together that, a dependent system is always compulsive.  The more you make habbit of keeping source of happiness on outside dependencies, like getting awesome pizza or flirting a girl or like what criminals do or anything, the more you will find life latched and mind it, you will feel suffocated soon.
But if you become like a person who is happy by himself, no dependencies, simply happy meditatively, that you may outpour that happiness to your friends if they are around going for pizza, if it is needed, but your happiness is not subject to it.

Many talented people get so deeply crumbed in life because their only source of happiness is how thier painting or work is. If it is bad, you are destroyed, depressed.
But Ancient india never had such problems . . . There the work was done with certain meditative process inside, so they were happy whatever they did, sweeping, working, anything. If work goes well, they were satisfied, if not, thats ok. They did work as an outflow of happiness centered  inside.

If you stay like this life will open up, shine up in so many ways, you will actually breath air, and you will feel what was I doing all these days mixed up? Our live has become such . . .

small small rocks make up a mountain,people keep fake smile as a desperate attempt to be happy which consumes so much of life leaving you hollowed,  so I guess, now if I feel unwell, I will not search for pizza, or sexuality or emotional support or intellectual dominance feeling or anything like that, I will let go all, and simply be still, and when slowly happiness is not contained, singingly or swayingly start again :)
Initially you may feel stubborn and cheated, but slowly as you get freed from too many external dependencies, you will understand the significance of practical and inspiring message in the blog . . .

Unexplained milestones in life

This is a story of  a person, who has lived his inches and depths of life in studies of science stream considering it as Arts rather than science. For such person the Idols became Resonance, Isomerism, Balancing of forces in physics, rotations, Vastness of Organic Chemistry and all that. Such has been my life. I have always been fascinated by immense creativity and ways in which the blocks of memory combine in multitudes of way to bring about new and new recombination.

God in terms of endlessness is such clear if you just make one of the study your life, stretch it to your limits, and you will still be amazed how less it is than what it is!

The more I looked in various wells of artistic subjects like chemistry,maths etc created by mankind, the more I felt how I can create infinite subjects out of almost nothing and go on endlessly pursuing one of them. Such is the beauty of world . . . :)

I developed a certain mastery over a few subjects, but the hard time came in letting go. Letting Go is what is going to come in everyones life, by natural course of growth. When I used to go deep enough in organic chemistry and deep enough in Mathematics, I realized one very unique thing about world. If you go deep enough, even superficially(logically) in just about anything, it is interesting. In that sense, whole world is interesting, but how do I embrace everything?

This understanding of subjects brought me to a conclusion that memory and subjects are not the source of interest which are within me, but the source of interest was rather how I linked the blocks of memory to make a beautiful carpet.

After getting for post-graduation in computational science, I had a break of about 1-2 months during which I saw chemistry books and I still remembered how aldol condensation, isomerism, etc everything happened. It was like an old friend meet for me. But then I realized how I need to let go some things in life, because they are meant to be so.

If you put enormous energy on one thing, then something else and so on . . . .  you will be eternally confused as in what you want to do? You will be broken, because memories will pull you here and there.
I guess it is high time we realize that, Important thing is not what we pursue, but with how intensely we pursue, how we put out our head heart,every part ourselves into it, completely. Keep adding few pieces of memory(the lesser the blocks, more the linkage, the more the system is efficient) If you do so, you will see how immensity, intensity will push you to a different level.

So essentially involvement is a ingredient, memory is an ingredient , dissociating for sometimes from memory is a ingredient, and creating right mixture of everything according to individual nature is what will bring out growth out of that person.

Growth which I am talking is not external, but internal process. It is not relative, it is absolute process. External is always relative, Internal is always absolute.
If I take away either memory or involvement or distance from subject, the very thing which you loved the most, will become your biggest frustration or compulsion!

Drama of Nature

O dear Nature,
the mistress of universe,
your endless plays,
how easily we forget,
to live in the moment,
forgetting pricelessness of breath,
getting tangled up in past and future,
How humurous can it,
when a man howls and cries,
on inabilities of fixing the unfixable chaos of universe,
How wonderous can it be,
when a man who can build cities,
is forced to leave body on missing a breath,
Human walks like the king of the world when well and fine,
But nature has ways in every era to put the boss to grave,
A man goes through so many shades of life,
But world goes on like it has always gone,
with changing times, objects, instruments change,
changing world never changes,
whether we try to bring some change,
or do not try,
inherent nature of world remains same,
that's why it is mistress and not you :)
you are like one of million cells,
which can choose to be part of body for some time,
we close every door of possibility,
by presuming that we know everything,
like foolish attempts of river,
to become a sea by flooding itself,
but slowly grows in experience that,
the only way to become sea,
is to become a part of it,
to merge in it,
dissolve, melt,
there is no other way,

life alone is comfortable,life alone is torturous,
life alone is joyous, life alone is painful,
life alone is trusting, life alone is betrayal,
life alone is symmetry, life alone is chaos,
life alone is blossomming, life alone is gloomy,
life alone is stupid and foolish, life alone is harmonious,
life alone is bounding,life alone is freedom,
at max we attempt to nurture a better of it,
but life embraces in its lap of eternity,
everything,


I feel, every moment is gift,
a priceless moment,
as long as we live,
why not live in the moment,
keep our plans,
but never expect,
stop bossing around,
how wonderful can life be then :)

Arrow is pointing to earth which is tiny dot. . . .

NGO's and Goodwill work needs to change its stratagy

Someone has rightly said  "Having goodwill isn't enough, you need to do it with precision and involvement as in launching a rocket in space"

Today, I see NGOs all around India, but there is a tendency of being satisfied with being on a path of service. They don't scale themselves up. They do small small events of thanksgiving and all that, do merrymaking, organize a ceremony,give some quotes and that's it. I am sorry to say that NGOs have become complacent in India.

If you enjoy doing service, or enjoy painting, that means you have some raw material with you. But if you get satisfied with making just Rs10 doll with it, then it will only serve that much. It won't touch lives further. You need to create 1 million masterpiece with that hammer. That is how you must strife toward's doing something.


I always have passion for sharing and including someone in my crazyland, so I enjoy creating some Youtube videos of topics of mathematical base.That's a lovely way of expressing. Normally people in vacation, enjoy doing what they care for, but they become lazy in it. But you must make that passion to next level by planning it, deliberately leaving some open ends, but being on and on 12-15 hours on that project. You will become so involved in the process, even though it is goodwill.

I guess if you are misguided on wrong path, you are much more involved than if you are on right path enjoying it. This is one difference you must make. Why can't you make some worthwhile stuff with some goodwill or attitude of service, involving process?

Even Goodwill is so badly misinterpreted by NGO's. They show some poor girl's photo with small nozy and hairs hayway, and they do emotional blackmail. Even when I was in college, I did that as a shortcut for larger support. But things changed as I understood well, how when you are left have no clarity, no action plan, no deeper understanding to share about situation, you use this last resort of weak man. That is such inappropriate way , for asking donation for good cause. It must not either bounce to another extreme, because human touch is also quite essential, but not in such desperate or compulsive ways rather a clearly charted and compassionate way. For emergency, it may be serve need of the day, well , but not when we can plan things well, and work out effectively.


A good cause must be presented in a sensible, clear manner. We need to shed our focus on growth and planning of wiping out such situation, such meticulous plan that people stand for you in awe and inspired with shining eyes that yes, the grim situations can change. But we make grimness and sympathy, crying and weeping again and again our way of life. It is seriously quite depressing. Our short-sightedness is clearly exposed and that's why right work doesn't scale itself up.

I think, poverty is an issue, in next generation, but sustainability is going to be the most important factor. This system has got so big, so complex, and so vulnerable. Time is not too far, devastating technology will be accessible to a punk, and can empower irresponsible people too to just blow of the whole city. We need some serious thinking on every level, how such kind of research remains very confidential and politians are especially banned from it, because when war strikes, and when our blood boils and we may use most constructive technology for the worst forms of destruction. This is one suggestions, I wish some more ideas and ways of prevention and restriction of its outreach needs to be thought of.

A human being is so foolish, that he doesn't understand how wonderfully cycles of rain and seasons run, how ecosystem keeps wheel going, and they think, they can find all substitute for nature. But I hope someday they realize the immensity of programming, the complexity and yet the harmonious nature of the interactions of everything around.

We clearly need to shift ambitions of external nature, to a more sustainable more internal nature. For example if every Indian start's living luxuriously, then no trees on earth, no resources, nothing left. We need to make our dream, ambitions inward, such as creative pursuits like singing,painting, teaching,etc and that too with some amount of concreteness. We need to create a sustainable model of society. We need not be like a heard of sheeps tamed by marketing industries, which anyways mostly thinks in very short sighted way or family catering of age old dreams of big house and all that. You need to have brain of your own.

The earlier we realize, the better.

Now, That's why Old people tend to be good at teaching . . . :)

After writing too many serious topics, this is rare times I guess, I am writing so lousily and just simply expressing one awesome moment in day to day life . . .

A humped back, a bald head, a stick in hand, and a great experience in life is all you need to figure out somethings better.

I had a very interesting observation today, when I was watching a video lecture of an MIT professor Gilbert Strang. Somehow, we both have one thing in similar, tendency to remember less. But well, he has it because of age. These days I am also teaching some students mathematics at a small scale, and that's why it get's even interesting to relate teaching methods.

Now this very respected and admired professor, Prof. Gilbert Strang, has one great thing, he has age, which stops him from doing heavy calculations and remembering too much stuff, and this makes him invent new and new ways of expressing fundamentals of stuff. First he has very deep understanding of subject which is natural advantage. But more than that,he knows art of simplifying things and making it memory efficient and highly prioritized data in terms of high stress on important concepts and not too much meddling around. He enjoys what he does, because he has simplified things so much so for himself. I have seen class 6,7,8 books, and I wonder how students figure out the core and jist of concepts. But this old gentlemen has developed such a wonderful quality in teaching, maybe by choice or age, but it is just so much lovable.
And by the way, if you are scare of Linear Algebra, his video lectures will bring rains of relief to you. I fear that you might start liking it too :)

So, this was one thing which I learned, but I would end this article with rather a light but an inspiring note. I was just changing channels on TV, and suddenly, my remote's button stuck on AAJ-TAK, and there was some interview of SRK about Chennai Express. Now, he was asked about how do you choose films and all bla bla bla gossop by an experienced reporter. He answered, after being in film industry for 22 years, working 12-15 hrs a day, money definitely doesn't mean much, all is routine, but what keeps me running, are the small small exciting moments, like facing first shot of film and being with some friends in industry, . . .  otherwise, I can't keep up the beat.

When you have everything, and when you are bored of everything you wished come true, the little and the closer things keep you moving, and big big things mean even lesser and lesser and just become an instrument of keeping stuff going.

take care,
and have a great weekend :)

Importance of Soltiude

Imagine yourself inside your laboratory working with robots or any of your project, without anyone interfering with you, just fully immersed in the subject, so much so that you forget everything. Human geniuses have not come from Heaven or Hell, it has come out of such deep contemplation in life.  If you observe the pattern, soltitude is something which is common in most of the men who have produced unparellel results.

If you want to do something new, what must be first thing to do? Just think logically? You must keep all rubish around you aside and bust don't allow anyone to interrupt you. In age of technology, we are totally missing this point. We have created such corporate structures which are more of marketing and convincing and politics but works very less on bringing human genius out of a person. 

Current society is grinding us down to become almost predictable dumb ass robots, who are stuck with features of Iphone and Ipad, and girlfriends,parties, jobs, family and a big cocktail of people around us. If you are just stuck being a vomit house of information around you, how can you be open and receptive to new food, new ideas. 

Imagine yourself in Movie theatre with a talkative girlfriend or an important client. You will miss so much in movie then. Atleast in movies, we value involvement and soltitude, but why don't we value it in our day to day life, when we are at office? Slowly OpenWorkspace design's are entering but I personally wish workspaces to experiment on effeciency in group and in seperate spaces with least pressuring telephone bells and more encouraging comments, I bet you Companies will produce tremendous results, but even if someone is sceptical, why shy away from experimenting?

http://www.forbes.com/sites/barbaraarmstrong/2012/05/24/balancing-the-needs-for-collaboration-and-privacy-a-tall-order-in-workplace-design/

Today, complains are coming round the corner, nothing new is happening in life, although everything is new around me? Why is it so? Because we are so much surrounded by prerecorded information, that we have totally forgotten that we can create situations around us too . . . 

“Guard well your spare moments. They are like uncut diamonds. Discard them and their value will never be known. Improve them and they will become the brightest gems in a useful life.” 

If you seriously wan't to do something which you consider worth striving, like some want to plunge in music, subjects of art's, etc. Separate yourself from distractions, develop some self control and planning,and just try to get maximum in flow with work as you can.If you are having conversation, be with it, if you are doing art or research or IT Stuff, be with it. But still I prefer that avoid familiar, because it will bring you back to square one some times. A famous character of Friends, Pheoby Buffey(Lisa Kudrow) had once said, that most important thing I did, was to become insensitive of comments and create space for myself. 

“Sometimes I get so immersed in my own company, if I unexpectedly run into someone I know, it's a bit of a shock and takes me a while to adjust.” 

― Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go

The biggest disadvantage India faces today is not that it doesn't have talented people, but we need contacts and all politics has entered into it. If you want to be politician, it is a great choice, make it and live through it. But someone having extraordinary talent in some field need not be politician who market's himself well to get into high position. I met an extraordinary painter, who paints such amazing Warli art, but lives in subhuman conditions. And the bosses are making all the profit.

Trust me on this, don't buy too many opinions. When you are alone, either you can quell your rising conscious awareness and involvement by overeating, wine, over indulgance in sexuallity and remain stuck with it or you can make these voices louder and louder unless it resonates completely in and through you.

So go, watch air buddies , get some entertainment and then,get into some work so deeply, that days and night pass like a fraction of second. That's the way work should be, and not like a painful, chitter chatter, here catering, there catering, politics, how to win friends and influence people job. True genius is bound to come. Otherwise you will always be stuck with the predictables and live a normal life like any other animal, survival and procreation with a flab of repetitive fluctuating intelligence.

Fixing up stuff

Sometime's it happens in life,

when you grow up and become ruthless and intelligent,

when you get tired of everything,

and suddenly you realize, 

how beautiful it was ,

how ugly you made by simple logic and compulsiveness,

how beautiful the childhood is,

and how ugly have we made it now,

This formed a doorway in my heart long back ago,

to live a life of a child inside heart and adult inside head.

Having seen through and through life of average Multinational's, the intelligent, the people who handle the pressure's of world and creating more pressure, I realize how empty has life become. The word's of logic without warmth has made a human anesthetic to life process. I mean sometimes I feel, even a butcher is more open to life than MNC's. People have turned professional's, and life has become a never ending race of competition, leg pulling, politics, ego clashes, dominance, stress and what not.  People have got so miserable that the only resort for them is wine and obsessive sexual behavior(OCD). 

I mean what kind of growth is it at the same time I realize that how easy it is to criticize, and how difficult it is to do something.
I am not talking about sweetness or love, I am talking about becoming totally mechanical and cut-off. Atleast one must feel the work he is doing. There is just money and no inspiration for learning experience during some jobs. I have my parent's in Kendriya Vidyalaya, and I see everyone united as a big fat family, they may speak different, but still they are free to express, such healthy and warm relationships I find less and less. We are loosing good things which is unfortunate, see you must be daring and courageous enough to stand away from trends, if they are not enhancing, and choose to be a trendsetter  . . . .

I still think that system's of working have to go through an important transformation . . . .

I was blessed to be in a very remote village of India, in south gujarat for about a month. I mean how simple their life was and how filled with life they were. They didn't watch all episodes of HIMYM or Big Bang theory, but their life is more lively then most of us. You must understand this one fact that one essence that you will find everywhere in Indian subcontinent, is Reverence. India paid reverence to everything. If you go to some old schools of India, you will see how we paid reverence to food, soil, air, sun and anything and everything. Even sexuality was revered and given a beautiful form of marriage. Don't you see the broken and torn lives of people elsewhere?

So going through so many ups and downs in life, I started experimenting on life, tried to go to depths of logic, sink in depths of emotions, and lots and lot's of things.

So these are some practical things which have worked for me, 

1. After a hectic schedule, give your self involved in learning classical music or some classical instrument or play Violin or Flute.

2. To much logic is poison, beware of it. If there is no inspiration and devotion, logic by itself brings a very uneasy sense.

3. Success is important, but more important is the beautiful moments in the process. If you stay stressed out for 100 days for just a day of party and rock and roll, then I am sorry, it will never happen, because what habbit you make, is what you do habitually, if you made the habbit of staying stressed for 100 days, eventually the patterns are going to be repeated more often. I would rather prefer to live all 100 days with inspiration and devotion.

What is more intelligent?

CASE 1: Doing work with stress, abusing yourself and other's, abusing the work itself, life, working with too many people, taking too many opinions, and always trying to run-away.

CASE 2: Work simply, keep very few people near you, paying reverence to work, and care very less about results, simply lovingly and gently trying to make best out of life, living life with such such intensity, going through tough and smooth aspects with such maturity and devotion?

In both case, both are equally capable, but just the way they approach things is different.

I prefer CASE 2, choice is your's.

You can be capable of reaching the destination from A to B by staying inside the car, or sledging and getting dragged by a car. In both ways, you will get capability, and life is NEVER judged by it, life is judged by the process in which you have lived in and out through during the process.

I have seen the most miserable successful people and most warm and compassionate  successful people,  both are successful, but then the choice is your's how to approach, both are the ways during this journey.

After all Journey of Life can end any moment, and thankfully nothing stays forever, today I was watching Harry potter 1st part after many years and I realized how I saw growth of the final ending,  but it ended. So why not be busy making Life a beautiful journey despite all odd's that we encounter . . . ?