I tried to be perfect,
I tried to plan out all,
but as soon as all,
got sorted out,
it felt empty, betrayal,
After many such betrayal,
I learned, the hard way out,
that to experience madness,
are we here all the way down . . :)
Madness, the word in the first place, completely bounces us from dimension of thinking sane to insane, and rightly so. .
Everyone in life, must have experienced a peculiar state, when you are completely sorted out and still, life stops to throb, it feels wierd, and disdainful and makes us question, "Is this what I am for in life? These heaps of files, etc?"
Most of us try to cope up with this "not matching", with going to bars, or having social circle, TV, some hobby, party, yoga and what not. But the core of the feeling we often have is " What is this all?", After a point, logical ways, survival ways, all self-preservation instincts which keep us organized, feel like pinching . . . and it is only when this happens again and again, when you fortunately realize importance of madness. . . That one drop of pitch of Intensity . . . . .
In my life, I have seen so many different levels of madness, and that too, the interesting part is that person at one level, completely laughs out at other level. For example, sex manics are so mad is excessive bodily pleasures, that they completely miss out the point that there can be other levels of madness, especially if you put an Fourier or Steve Jobs(Of course, he is dead now) in front of them, still for them, his ways will sound utterly ridiculous to them.
In order to classify the levels in which madness rises, in the way, I experienced is as follow :
1. Innocent Madness
It is like doll craziness or the craziness for small small things you wished in childhood kind of madness. Note that even the Higher forms of madness may look like this but different because, in higher forms, it knows big things, yet small things steals heart :)
2. Filial Madness
When you grow a bit older, you want to do away everything for your parents, you start to think in terms of making them happy and in sense, you form a connection with society with parents as the doorway . . . .
3. Teenage Madness
In teenage, our hormones, our energies start peaking, and we discover a secret doorway to escape the complexities life has started to web around itself, and slowly the same Filial Madness which breastfeeded you to grow, starts seeming utterly ridiculous. . . For you friendship, offset of Sexuality, etc things become like trend of the day. Some become like "do the thing, you are not supposed to do, kind of people" or "crying ones" or "sociallizing ones" or "furious fives","geeky dips", etc, . . .
These three are common hard wired madness almost everyone experiences. . .
But apart from it, based on the intensity and longitivity, based on my personal experiences, I found that there are other forms of madness too, much stronger, much longer. . .
1. Loud Madness : Linkin park songs, party, intense sounds, etc become our doorway of escape. Emotions, thoughts also have various qualites, which here can be ascribed as loud emotion, impulsive thoughts, etc.
2. Workahoic Madness : This is stronger than Loud madness, because here your work itself becomes your madness, in sense, you can be mad 24x7, but issue with it is the dependancy. For example, it makes you over sensitive or attached to company or dependent variable. So loosing job may make you breakdown very badly . . .
3. Absolute Madness : Here you don't become intense just at work, but to every aspect of life, you are mad about eating, sleeping, just about anything. . . . This is quite flexible in sense you are not bound by simply one thing . . .
4. Harmonic Madness : Here you just are awed and bewildered by immensity of what beauty world has in terms, your inclination bends more towards harmonious forms of life, like classical music(esp Indian). It is more like a quite subtle but artistic, wholistic melody of interplay is bieng observed and awed at. .
It is only when you cross the threshold of Loud Madness, you enter dimension of Harmonic Madness. . .
See, it is like when you first read a math book, you just see, 1,2,3,etc, but when
you dive deep into it, for years, maths doesn't remain, logic, memory or calcuation, but you acquire a certain taste of harmony,art in maths and by my own experience, calculation,etc things start seeming unnecessary emphesis. . .
5. Silent Madness : Last of the forms, but still the most amazing, extremely intense forms of Madness, more extreme than any other forms. . . is when your intensity start pitching beyond a point, so high, that even slightest movement inside , slightest dependency becomes like an obstacle in sustaining that intensity, and therefore you become absolutely still inside, in complete complete madness. Examples of such madness can be found in Life of Beethoven, Last days of Albert Einstein, Yogis(Not the quacks who pretend to know, but the ones who are at peak of experience, uncaring about opinions of world), like Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, etc . . . .
I would end this beautiful,yet boring at points kinda discourse,
I though, I planned,
I tried to survive, I survived,
I got honoured, I got rewarded,
but the emptiness of heart grew,
nothing was to fill it, despite all wines of love, awards,etc around me,
alas sprang the madness,
which led my life,
in terrains of intensity,
so intense,
that my inner walls broke,
unable to contain it longer :)
I tried to plan out all,
but as soon as all,
got sorted out,
it felt empty, betrayal,
After many such betrayal,
I learned, the hard way out,
that to experience madness,
are we here all the way down . . :)
Madness, the word in the first place, completely bounces us from dimension of thinking sane to insane, and rightly so. .
Everyone in life, must have experienced a peculiar state, when you are completely sorted out and still, life stops to throb, it feels wierd, and disdainful and makes us question, "Is this what I am for in life? These heaps of files, etc?"
Most of us try to cope up with this "not matching", with going to bars, or having social circle, TV, some hobby, party, yoga and what not. But the core of the feeling we often have is " What is this all?", After a point, logical ways, survival ways, all self-preservation instincts which keep us organized, feel like pinching . . . and it is only when this happens again and again, when you fortunately realize importance of madness. . . That one drop of pitch of Intensity . . . . .
In my life, I have seen so many different levels of madness, and that too, the interesting part is that person at one level, completely laughs out at other level. For example, sex manics are so mad is excessive bodily pleasures, that they completely miss out the point that there can be other levels of madness, especially if you put an Fourier or Steve Jobs(Of course, he is dead now) in front of them, still for them, his ways will sound utterly ridiculous to them.
In order to classify the levels in which madness rises, in the way, I experienced is as follow :
1. Innocent Madness
It is like doll craziness or the craziness for small small things you wished in childhood kind of madness. Note that even the Higher forms of madness may look like this but different because, in higher forms, it knows big things, yet small things steals heart :)
2. Filial Madness
When you grow a bit older, you want to do away everything for your parents, you start to think in terms of making them happy and in sense, you form a connection with society with parents as the doorway . . . .
3. Teenage Madness
In teenage, our hormones, our energies start peaking, and we discover a secret doorway to escape the complexities life has started to web around itself, and slowly the same Filial Madness which breastfeeded you to grow, starts seeming utterly ridiculous. . . For you friendship, offset of Sexuality, etc things become like trend of the day. Some become like "do the thing, you are not supposed to do, kind of people" or "crying ones" or "sociallizing ones" or "furious fives","geeky dips", etc, . . .
These three are common hard wired madness almost everyone experiences. . .
But apart from it, based on the intensity and longitivity, based on my personal experiences, I found that there are other forms of madness too, much stronger, much longer. . .
1. Loud Madness : Linkin park songs, party, intense sounds, etc become our doorway of escape. Emotions, thoughts also have various qualites, which here can be ascribed as loud emotion, impulsive thoughts, etc.
2. Workahoic Madness : This is stronger than Loud madness, because here your work itself becomes your madness, in sense, you can be mad 24x7, but issue with it is the dependancy. For example, it makes you over sensitive or attached to company or dependent variable. So loosing job may make you breakdown very badly . . .
3. Absolute Madness : Here you don't become intense just at work, but to every aspect of life, you are mad about eating, sleeping, just about anything. . . . This is quite flexible in sense you are not bound by simply one thing . . .
4. Harmonic Madness : Here you just are awed and bewildered by immensity of what beauty world has in terms, your inclination bends more towards harmonious forms of life, like classical music(esp Indian). It is more like a quite subtle but artistic, wholistic melody of interplay is bieng observed and awed at. .
It is only when you cross the threshold of Loud Madness, you enter dimension of Harmonic Madness. . .
See, it is like when you first read a math book, you just see, 1,2,3,etc, but when
you dive deep into it, for years, maths doesn't remain, logic, memory or calcuation, but you acquire a certain taste of harmony,art in maths and by my own experience, calculation,etc things start seeming unnecessary emphesis. . .
5. Silent Madness : Last of the forms, but still the most amazing, extremely intense forms of Madness, more extreme than any other forms. . . is when your intensity start pitching beyond a point, so high, that even slightest movement inside , slightest dependency becomes like an obstacle in sustaining that intensity, and therefore you become absolutely still inside, in complete complete madness. Examples of such madness can be found in Life of Beethoven, Last days of Albert Einstein, Yogis(Not the quacks who pretend to know, but the ones who are at peak of experience, uncaring about opinions of world), like Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, etc . . . .
I would end this beautiful,yet boring at points kinda discourse,
I though, I planned,
I tried to survive, I survived,
I got honoured, I got rewarded,
but the emptiness of heart grew,
nothing was to fill it, despite all wines of love, awards,etc around me,
alas sprang the madness,
which led my life,
in terrains of intensity,
so intense,
that my inner walls broke,
unable to contain it longer :)
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