Masculine and Feminine

The first thing that hits the count, with these words is man and women, but it is more than that(not that I am going to bore you out of philosophical crap), it is something quite a  fundamental understanding which needs to be understood holistically. It is like A, B, C . . .

 Even at gross level, women give birth to a new life, which naturally make them more sensitive to life, and male person, certainly keeps pluming about survival and develops a certain capability to ensure sustenance.. . .

Before I describe about masculine and feminine, the nature of masculine and feminine has nothing to do with sexuality. Eg, a boy proposing a girl and gently taking care throughout life, very lively can be attributed to feminine nature of boy. Similarly A girl may simply be like “what do you mean exactly kind of” in that case we may label her more of masculine. These are not hard boundaries, anyone can flip from one to other, and actually most of us keep flipping.  Those who tell, you don’t or can’t change are telling utter nonsense, (except if they are talking out core innermost nature). . . .

Feminine in India, has been quite magnanimously represented by multitudes of forms, namely tender nature, energetic nature, and distasteful nature. . .  But the core essence of Feminine is “It recognizes life itself, feels the way through life. It doesn’t shy away at times to make complete fool of itself, but still feels through life. Emotions are not feminine nature alone, which is a huge misconception people have, emotion can be loud, emotion can be tender. Feminine nature in its crude form is feeling through life. You may be so damn idiot that in your own interplay of loud fearful or similar kind of emotion, you miss the life, that is not feminine, that is utter foolishness of unnecessary self-attention. It is not even about hallucination . . . Eg. Someone wrote beautiful philosophy that an ant is equal to human and all that crap that everything is same. Just see, even on gross level where we can clearly see it is not so. But it is to be sensitive enough to be bewildered by even an ant or simple rock or air, though understanding obvious practical reality of human as an evolved form than ant or non-living things. Feminine form has certain kind of exuberance, like a flower”

Masculine form deals with conquering kind of nature of Human being. It need not be for bad reasons alone, it is like developing certain kind of capability by use of scalpel to dissect and see. Eg. Even mastery in music to the point of precision is Masculine. Mastery in emotions, celebrations, is also masculine. Any kind of mastery at any level can be attributed to Masculine.

None can exist separate completely, there may be predominance of one at a particular phase.

But the tragedy of Masculine is that even though it may have conquered everything, it never feels through anything . . . It feels secluded, lifeless, at times question does come, I can conquer everything, but for what, I must be less conquering? A certain kind of incompleteness is experienced by Masculine. . .

Similar is the tragedy of feminine, that even though it feels through everything, a point comes when it feels “Why am I making such fool of myself, feeling/living life such awesome, but not developing powerful capabilities, I need to be less flowing?”

Balancing these two aspects of life is something very critical. I have seen in my own self both these aspects. At one end, competitive exams, qualifying in exams, getting AIR 280, always trying to perfect, quite a masculine quality, on other hand, extremely enthusiastic about even small small thing, take for example Janmastami celebrations, where we decorated Indian institute of science corridor, singing with heart opened (different from technically sound singing), usually get quite opened up, at times quite crazy, sometimes making complete fool of myself, quite a feminine quality.

I used to have concern, will we lose the beautiful aspects of Indian ways, where we could talk out openheartedly to people, because of excessive technical atmosphere in current world? If you come to India, and have been to traditional prosperous village, especially southern part, women here actually can talk out so, simply and frankly, that I personally feel envious and rather ashamed of losing touch of the soil. More grave concern is, Will we lose beautiful heartfelt prayers of millions of saints of a nation, who sung in glory of life, by simple stupid logical discourses . . . but by my experience of life, it appears that wherever someone experiences life more maturely, more inwardly, these beautiful forms will sprout out again, and about the change, all forms keep changing. Attaching yourself to a particular form, in a sense, thinking of it to live forever is fooling yourself. Problem is that, we haven’t matured our understanding of feminine, beyond dancing, playfulness, it is a certain kind of openness, certain sensitivity. . .

But if you start making yourself, less and less important in your own eyes, without unnecessary self-attention, trying to do the highest of what you can do, in terms of harmonious ideal that you see, than these definitions, these understandings will not mean much to you existentially, because limitations start receding as you make yourself smaller and smaller. And the perfection is seen in devotee who is truly devoid of self (Not the self-proclaiming, emotional maniacs, fear filled ones, fanatics, etc)

As you de-recognize yourself more and more, dis-identification with limitations, the more and more your life becomes intense . . . If you keep food as exception, that exception itself becomes main clause, so this is completely distancing yourself from all load of crap, logical or illogical gathered around you . . . This makes the intensity grow to such a pitch that you can’t even imagine, and in those moments of intensity, you realize finer and finer forms of masculine and feminine, and in moments, all differences vanishes in essence, . . .

It is my personal experience, that feminine is still evolved than masculine, in the ways people think, because people often think masculine as gross logical deduction way, which is not even masculine, it is foolishness, feminine in its utmost essence, dares to sensitize you to point, that you become receptive to life. . . . . Here also, most people have seen confused emotions, bitching girls, girls who use boys, or girls who need protection, or feminist ones as feminine, which it is not, it is certain fluidity, it is certain mouldable nature. . . . One who truly is sensitized by feminine, becomes masculine in terms of abilities to see things beyond the normal understanding, and one who becomes truly understanding, masculine, becomes sensitized by feminine, and so, the inseparability of the two grows as we move to subtler forms.

Being frank, passing through all betrayals, trusts, rewards, understandings,etc, the only thing I felt still loving, forever is only essence of colorless, formless(which strangely seeps in everything)  quite personally, to which I can completely give myself . . . :)

Anyways life comes with no guarantees, nothing is ensured. This is the trickiest part. Life can toss you in fraction of second. A Tsunami, or any death, or any breakdown, and you are finished. Nothing is sure. . . . The best you can do is to try and attempt to bring best of what you can, there is a risk you might be able to do nothing at all, there is a risk you might get stuck up in situations you didn’t expect, at moment you may feel, how much should I wait, nothing will happen, but assure yourself, that this is gestation time, and it will be over soon. .  . . . But in whatever situation, try to do the best of what you can, by bringing yourself first to sense of balance, and trying to do it enthusiastically, lively, making a fool of yourself occasionally, understanding the point that nothing like absolute perfection can exist, you can go from 1nano second to 1 picosecond, this is endless, but live life, the awesomest as you can, and yet realizing that despite all achievements or liveliness, you are not even a sand in front of fragrance of the soil, the root of life, that which is . . . J

Different Levels of Madness

I tried to be perfect,
I tried to plan out all,
but as soon as all,
got sorted out,
it felt empty, betrayal,
After many such betrayal,
I learned, the hard way out,
that to experience madness,
are we here all the way down . . :)

Madness, the word in the first place, completely bounces us from dimension of thinking sane to insane, and rightly so. .

Everyone in life, must have experienced a peculiar state, when you are completely sorted out and still, life stops to throb, it feels wierd, and disdainful and makes us question, "Is this what I am for in life? These heaps of files, etc?"
Most of us try to cope up with this "not matching", with going to bars, or having social circle, TV, some hobby, party, yoga and what not. But the core of the feeling we often have is " What is this all?",  After a point, logical ways, survival ways, all self-preservation instincts which keep us organized, feel like pinching . . . and it is only when this happens again and again, when you fortunately realize importance of madness. . . That one drop of pitch of Intensity . . . . .

 In my life, I have seen so many different levels of madness, and that too, the interesting part is that person at one level, completely laughs out at other level. For example, sex manics are so mad is excessive bodily pleasures, that they completely miss out the point that there can be other levels of madness, especially if you put an Fourier or Steve Jobs(Of course, he is dead now) in front of them, still for them, his ways will sound utterly ridiculous to them.

In order to classify the levels in which madness rises, in the way, I experienced is as follow :

1. Innocent Madness
    It is like doll craziness or the craziness for small small things you wished in childhood kind of madness. Note that even the Higher forms of madness may look like this but different because, in higher forms, it knows big things, yet small things steals heart :)

2. Filial Madness
When you grow a bit older,  you want to do  away everything for your parents, you start to think in terms of making them happy and in sense, you form a connection with society with parents as the doorway . . . .

3. Teenage Madness
In teenage, our hormones, our energies start peaking, and we discover a secret doorway to escape the complexities life has started to web around itself, and slowly the same Filial Madness which breastfeeded you to grow, starts seeming utterly ridiculous. . . For you friendship, offset of Sexuality, etc things become like trend of the day. Some become like "do the thing, you are not supposed to do, kind of people"  or "crying ones" or "sociallizing ones" or "furious fives","geeky dips", etc,  . . . 


These three are common hard wired madness almost everyone experiences. .  .

But apart from it, based on the intensity and longitivity, based on my personal experiences, I found that there are other forms of madness too, much stronger, much longer. . .

1. Loud Madness : Linkin park songs, party, intense sounds, etc become our doorway of escape. Emotions, thoughts also have various qualites, which here can be ascribed as loud emotion, impulsive thoughts, etc.

2. Workahoic Madness : This is stronger than Loud madness, because here your work itself becomes your madness, in sense, you can be mad 24x7, but issue with it is the dependancy. For example, it makes you over sensitive or attached to company or dependent variable. So loosing job may make you breakdown very badly . . .

3. Absolute Madness : Here you don't become intense just at work, but to every aspect of life, you are mad about eating, sleeping, just about anything. . . . This is quite flexible in sense you are not bound by simply one thing . . .

4. Harmonic Madness  : Here you just are awed and bewildered by immensity of what beauty world has in terms, your inclination bends more towards harmonious forms of life, like classical music(esp Indian). It is more like a quite subtle but artistic, wholistic melody of interplay is bieng observed and awed at. .

It is only when you cross the threshold of Loud Madness, you enter dimension of Harmonic Madness. . . 

 See, it is like when you first read a math book, you just see, 1,2,3,etc, but when
you dive deep into it, for years, maths doesn't remain, logic, memory or calcuation, but you acquire a certain taste of harmony,art in maths and by my own experience, calculation,etc things start seeming unnecessary emphesis. . .

5. Silent Madness : Last of the forms, but still the most amazing, extremely intense forms of Madness, more extreme than any other forms. . . is when your intensity start pitching beyond a point, so high, that even slightest movement inside , slightest dependency becomes like an obstacle in sustaining that intensity, and therefore you become absolutely still inside, in complete  complete madness. Examples of such madness can be found in Life of Beethoven, Last days of Albert Einstein, Yogis(Not the quacks who pretend to know, but the ones who are at peak of experience, uncaring about opinions of world), like Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, etc . . . .

 I would end this beautiful,yet boring at points kinda discourse,

I though, I planned,
I tried to survive, I survived,
I got honoured, I got rewarded,
but the emptiness of heart grew,
nothing was to fill it, despite all wines of love, awards,etc around me,
alas sprang the madness,
which led my life,
in terrains of intensity,
so intense,
that my inner walls broke,
unable to contain it longer :)

In the glamour of this eye

In the glamour of this eye,
have we lost other eye,
we became,
from sand, to a doctor, an engineer,
an artist, a mathematician,
a singer,

but as soon as our legs,
lost touch of soil,
it started stinking,
stinking so bad,
that to stand by,
one moment became difficult,

Unless one moment,
the breath, became so tight,
that it bursted up,
and the eyes were forced,
to look away,
from its pride,
to the soil.

As the hands touched,
the soil again,
the breath returned,
life rushed in again,
and it returned so deep,
that again became breathless moment,
but in a different way.

Bieng lost in my pride,
I kept you aside,
But river can't be sea,
unless it touches the sea,
In vastness of creation,
In vast hollowness,
hallowed with endless eyes,

I returned,
back to my little needed act,
but standing on soil,
with less of what I was proud of,
and with more of what I am part of

http://blog.ishafoundation.org/sadhguru/masters-words/how-to-overcome-fear/
http://blog.ishafoundation.org/sadhguru/masters-words/living-free-of-comparison/

Returning to Craziness

Once there was life,
when I acted crazily,
making every thing I learn,
as an enjoyable experience,
careless about people

but then I started taking people's word's
more than usual,
into head's and heart,
changing myself more than I should,
and I started living perfect life,
with good circle, success, good friends,
but slowly it becomes even cold than before,
the normal perfection becomes suffocating,
and life seems like lifeless,

I then returned to the life of madman,
as I rightly am,
and increased my craziness once again,
but this time, with 2 differences,
one that I stopped caring ,
about other's speculation,
and that I created a hole,
large enough, that I can move,
in and out whenever I wish,

with the return of craziness,
returned life full of intensity,
and may be god, and my heart,
gives me a big smile,
saying,
welcome back! :)


Note : There is difference between senseless act's interfering in other's life over a limit intuitively, and intense craziness which is about deep involvement and intensity.
http://blog.ishafoundation.org/sadhguru/masters-words/how-to-overcome-fear/
http://blog.ishafoundation.org/sadhguru/masters-words/living-free-of-comparison/

Ilusionist Life

Life,

The one thing everyone want’s,

Though definition and things people search in for differ. Even though we seek money, family, awards, love, entertainment, sexuality, etc but underlying current of what we seek is life, in its all diverse ways . . .

In my life, my attempt has been to live it with humour and giggling joking happy way. I always wanted to make sure in life that whatever I do, I simply enjoy passionately whatever it is. I get so lost in those things, that everything else disappears, etc.

When I was in college, I had this course called Statistical Communication. I loved the maths of it so much, and also the expressiveness of prof, that I almost could predict at times the answer of question just before  asking the question itself, by Professor MV Joshi. I simply enjoyed it like a theatric performance. My marks were also 19/20, 20/20, 5/5, always full marks. So I had discovered at outflow of what I am capable of, by this absolute involvement. This involvement repeated itself in so many ways. Even today, I can teach Signal processing like a movie, without boring anyone, non-stop 12 hrs. . . That’s how I was involved. . . .

It felt at that point that I don’t want to lose this big aspect of my life, and as compared to that level of involvement, nothing else matched my experience. As so did happen, even after getting an Internship, I left it, and gave a Gate, reaching IISc Bangalore.

By now, the level of understanding I had gathered was immense. I had grown from the boy to a keen observing man. In a series of experiements conducted by me, I tried to search for something which I can make my life.

Emotions, were amongs’t the first, I took the most beautiful song’s and played it or some similar songs, again and again to feel it deeper, I could literally float on that song, But when intensity rises beyond a pitch, song in itself became a compulsion.

I experimented on Studies, I took some of the best lectures of Machine Learning by Andrew Ng, went on day in day out studying it for about 3 days, but even after exploring this dimension so long, I still felt strange, in terms of experience, after a certain pitch, you feel like transcending studies too.

I mean, imagine the amount of distain, you feel, if the thing you love so much, in itself, can’t get you beyond a certain pitch.

By all means, in my life, I concluded out with some golden truths in world, as I saw and listened unheard footsteps :

1. Even the most beautiful thing in the world has to go, today or tomorrow, everything comes with expiry date, and everything you can ever imagine operates in certain boundaries. so these endless plays of life, starts and ends and again start, endlessly. Don’t be foolish enough to not know this fact. . .
2. Life in terms of endless forms it can take, is boundless, but in terms of raising a form beyond a level, it still falls short. It is like a balloon, initially it is nothing, if you fill it till a limit, it retains form, but beyond a limit, it can’t hold, so the limited forms, life has to offer, cannot contain human longing for boundless, it can only be solaced, found stably in formless absolute inner all-inclusiveness life has to offer.

4. To get an initial push into life, sexuality, Explorativeness, Deep admiration, Frustration, sweetness of love or music, feeling of having power and authority, fame, fascination, all different things may help, but after a point, if you want to raise your pitch beyond a limit, the same things, will start seeming the limitation, staring at you. They are like parents, initially they grow you, love and praises help, but beyond a point, if they start cuddling you, become too attached, and they hinder the natural growth.So, all these limited ways, help initially, but beyond a point, it kills us, in terms of its inability by itself to go beyond a point.

I had almost become hopeless, felt like is there anything which I can ever be sure of, flow completely into? Nothing . . . .

As the time went, this nothing grew itself many folds, and simple absolute stillness, absolute uncolored, unreasonable involvement, (no doubt keeping the discretion and intuition) spread away all parts of my existence.

Now, when I listen, a beautiful song, I enjoy it no doubt, but it’s limitation also appears clearly to me, when I attend a fascinating lecture on number theory, I enjoy it, admire it, but I see through my eye’s, despite its strength to ignite, how it falls short to push completely, by itself, unless involvement raises to such a pitch that even that maths start’s dis-appearing. But in essence everything is involvement. And limited forms will get you to middle or even a little higher, but never the highest, your association with these forms, will pull you back again from highest level of involvement, back and forth, till you don’t understand the foolishness of your associating of your state to simply that object, rather than involvement.

So now when I listen a music, I do get involved it, but after a point, I do know, I have to leave the music also to raise the pitch of involvement long enough beyond threshold, in the calm ocean of stillness. Same is that with any other activity, be it studying, etc.

Music, meditation or any other medium, are like train, which leaves you till a point, but after that it is you who has to travel rest, by coming out of train (which keeps going from one world to another back and forth), and just sink into ocean by feeling that absolute stillness which is created . . . .

Then I realized, yes, I may use things(which are by its very nature limited). for some purpose, carrying an expiry date, but in effect, there is only one thing, which has no limit’s, simply boundless, that is uncolored, deeply calm and unruffled, yet massive like ocean kind of inner involvement

So, If you have not felt what I am feeling, either you haven’t lived intensely enough engaging in some activity, or haven’t raised it beyond a limit, not living in and out through that activity.

Creating space for life

Comming out of stress is not easy, especially when you don't know, why it is? When everything almost seems perfect, still the missing element just leaves you sleepless.

I first though of writing this blog article when I observed how much people are suffering just because of lack of simple understanding. This includes me too. One of the famous contemporary sage had once strewed a very wise advice, when asked the metaphysics of such situations. His precise reply still holds like an timeless understanding which we have almost forgotten.
He told, "If you have learned, the art of putting attention at anything at your will, and withdrawing it at will, then suffering is finished"

From ego problems, to anxiety, to insomnia, to excessive indulgance in physical pleasures, to peer-pressure. . . Name any problem, most of them you will see, chains down to this problem of getting out only.
It is as if you are given non stop food in your food pipe, and you have no control, over how to stop it. No space given to stomach for digestion, leading to constipation. Same is the tragedy with mind. We cannot stop info, how it comes and goes, the more we try to stop mind, the more information or thoughts come. but at least we can distance ourselves, to our ability by creating some space.

Today, the modern society, with its multiple ways has lead us to bombardments of information. Everywhere you go, meet a person, he has his own film casting out. On surface, everything looks perfect, fantastic, absolutely amazing, but the deeper penitration in the matter leaves me with a heavy heart.

Truely, the growth of human possibilities in this century is absolutely spectacular. From From Friends to Inception,from McDonalds to Maggie,Nexus to all kinds of News,mails,spams, Theatrics to cinematography, from Research to Skillsets, the growth is truely not less then a miracle, in some ways. Just see world 100 years back, and just see now. So much activity.

But with all its bags of information and gifts, we often easily seem to miss the suffocation it has brought. Suffocation is not because of information, but inabiltiy to handle it. It is like swimming is fun, if you know how to get to the land. But it is a trap, if you don't know, that after a certain time, when you are tired, where to go . . .

In some ways, an average human being has definitely learned the art of putting attention on objects, but still the tragedy is, he doesn't know, how to switch it off.

Take for example, the thing you love the most, like dancing, eating, sleeping, studying, anything. For me, it is studying, maths seems like an artistic potrait, which is ever facinating, but after 2-3 years, as information kept pumping, It started feeling like a trap, how to get out of it, my life became pathetic, confused, complicated. I was not ready to handle it.

But in later years, I realized, how important it is to learn to get out of act before getting involved in some act. It is like entering in a room with internal lock, without taking the keys to outside.

Today scientific studies have proved that rate at which information is flowing in human mind is much much large than it's normal functioning. The effects are that our basic abilities have actually shrinked by 70% rather than expanding.

Simple things like eating food, talking with friends, talking with parents, walking well, having sound sleep, and not to forget, the common sense have become uncommon.

After all these understanding's, I understand, how much important it is to have atleast 1 hrs, where you are just alone, simple admiring stillness, or feeling the breeze, going out to a beach, or meditating. Because these are times when information is minimized and your natural intelligence gets certain room to blossom.

Right now, too much information has actually choked out natural intelligence. Western societies are best example of it.

So does it mean, we must become a renuncient and run away? No, there is better option.
Better option is that, live the way we wish to live, with all necessary information, being any damn thing, nothing wrong with traveling in limousine, watching movie, working your profession intuitively, but at the same time, create a corner, a space, where you are able to switch off all the garbage you do all day long, and simply be still,meditative is extremely important. 
This way, you will allow yourself to be everyouth spirited, retaining the naturally funtioning intelligence, working with information and yet untouched by it :)

In Indian subcontinent, even today you find Jain sages who keep white cloth on their mouth, and remain silent. People today are just constipating words here and their, without a flow, a natural rythm, no discretion at all!. It is like if you are served bread and poison on same plate. And you are hapazardly, carelessly consuming anything and everything served on your plate. Even if it is poisoning you . . Who cares, we just keep consuming everything . .  not very wise way to live. .   Our mind has become like that only. These all complex problems are simply , out of this non-stop flow of information in head, without giving it rest and lubrication by withdrawal of attention, thereby chocking our natural intelligence to deal with life!



I really think this is high time, people understand this, because who wants suffering? and that too, because of simple misunderstanding? People say world is like this only,non stop suffering, but when it happens to you, you realize how your philosophies don't fit in any longer.

I hope, it does make some difference :)

Intimate Life

On the shores of upheavals ,
I lie astounded bewildered,
I tried to sink into the phantasmagoria,
I found myself, trapped,
I tried to isolate from it,
I still found trapped,
helpless like a baby,
struggling to walk,
I lied down disappointed,
My idea of completeness, felt incomplete,
when I experimented on various facets,
It felt like being crushed and lifted endlessly,
in cycles unending,
and the very things which felt so important moments ago,
felt like crumbling, fleeing away,
what the hell is this?

But then from the shore,
A large wave rose,
sweeping me with it,
in the depths untold,

For time stood standstill then,
Mother of the sea, puts me to sleep,
and then throws me back to the shore again,

In those moments, I realized,
the completeness,
I deciphered the code,
As I saw the nature of ocean bewildered,

O my dear friend,
how long you took to understand?
Like an ocean I stand,
I am not just deep, endless, void as you saw inside me,
I am not just surface what you see outside me,
I am both, rooted in ocean, I sprout waves,shelter it, and end it away,
but yet, inside, I lay, unborn,undead, still, formless

If you can someday be like me,
 work common sensically outside,
yet uncolored from inside,
you will know me,
how I operate in limitations which is second word to everything that exists,
 yet I am untouched by it, being touched by "that which is not" anything else,
without forms of any kind, uncatagorizable in all ways,
how I am unborn, and yet live and die,
how I am impersonal and yet personal,
how I am boundless and yet bounded,
how I am perfect and yet imperfect,
how I am creator and yet creation