3 bullets in my heart which changed me . . .

I clearly remember the scene when I had 3 bullets in me. . . . I had some fight with parents after which I ran out with my friends, to some place. As I went, the heavy rains chased me. I clearly recall, the dark roads, and the sea aside me accompanied by thick fog. It was 4 hrs, when I recall, I asked where we were? And were near Daman(Sea shore). I donno know, how we jumped there, but I perceive the scene, of sea, rainy sea in front of me with thick fog and a dead end in road. Suddenly the calmness was inturrupted by voice of bullets. Voice of bullets so real, and I went to take off the bullet from back, but the con took the bullet on other hand, and shot 3 bullets in heart.

Everything was crumbling in my experience, as I was witnessing near death experience. If only you imagine the situation, I am saying. But this was such a real dream, I had yesterday. For the first time, It was I who was even for moment, subject to crumbling, I though I was what not. But as I recount moment I had 3 bullets in me, I was like OMG, parents, everything etc came in front of me. I was like every way I am perceiving is going to be gone! in just a moment. It is not fear, it is coming in talking terms with reality. . .

As I recount this, I realize how foolishly we keep planning tomorrows which have rightly destroyed us. I plan tomorrow I will go here, do this that things, and all that. But I realize on great saint speaking, you will only play well, if it doesn't matter if your winning or onother's winning doesn't matter.  With such ease should one play life?

My mom who is a music teacher, asked me that day evening to search for some Tamil song, and as I was searching for songs, I got a beautiful song, a very famous song, but the graceful expressions of lady just made me in awe. Because when I had no worries about doing big big things, I was a simple boy like this only. I never cared of anything for happiness, until the marketing departments of world's blurred my clarity. I used to stay on a road, on a vehicle, under a tree, simple observing night, and be happy. Soo simple . . :)  This is not about living tribal, living in city or village, it is living life with such heart opened and involvement with such relaxation(not locked by what was and what will, not locked by drama of intellect diving all up). How beautiful. How complicated have me made our lives? How gentle and graceful can we make our life? and see how have we made it? We truely have conned life!
Watch it after 45 seconds and observe expression of lady with red and black saree . . .


So after this, I learned the most important lesson in life, never get too worried about big big things daily in whichever field we are. What is most important? Life must be lived fullest gracefully, every moment, not like a mirage hoping for water to be seen.

Second thing I realized as all experiences came together that, a dependent system is always compulsive.  The more you make habbit of keeping source of happiness on outside dependencies, like getting awesome pizza or flirting a girl or like what criminals do or anything, the more you will find life latched and mind it, you will feel suffocated soon.
But if you become like a person who is happy by himself, no dependencies, simply happy meditatively, that you may outpour that happiness to your friends if they are around going for pizza, if it is needed, but your happiness is not subject to it.

Many talented people get so deeply crumbed in life because their only source of happiness is how thier painting or work is. If it is bad, you are destroyed, depressed.
But Ancient india never had such problems . . . There the work was done with certain meditative process inside, so they were happy whatever they did, sweeping, working, anything. If work goes well, they were satisfied, if not, thats ok. They did work as an outflow of happiness centered  inside.

If you stay like this life will open up, shine up in so many ways, you will actually breath air, and you will feel what was I doing all these days mixed up? Our live has become such . . .

small small rocks make up a mountain,people keep fake smile as a desperate attempt to be happy which consumes so much of life leaving you hollowed,  so I guess, now if I feel unwell, I will not search for pizza, or sexuality or emotional support or intellectual dominance feeling or anything like that, I will let go all, and simply be still, and when slowly happiness is not contained, singingly or swayingly start again :)
Initially you may feel stubborn and cheated, but slowly as you get freed from too many external dependencies, you will understand the significance of practical and inspiring message in the blog . . .